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Lyrics
Shorts
I’ve got a friend in the ocean
Once my old man spoke to good King Triton
And asked "Why all this senseless fightin’?"
"Why can’t we men express emotion?"
And now I’ve got a friend in...
Monkey in my pocket
Oh, there’s a monkey in my pocket,
And he’s stealing all my change,
His stare is blank and glassy,
I suspect that he’s deranged...
Plunder on my mind
Plunder, Plunder, how I wonder
How’d you get so doggone pretty?
Home to sailors, barbers, tailors
And Puerto Pollo, your capitol city...
Silver’s Long Johns
For those cold, dark shipboard nights,
We’ve got boxers, briefs, and tights
Made from cotton, silk, or satin,
In styles Anglo, Dutch, and Latin,
When you sail don’t take a chance
Wearing nothing ’neath your pants!
Trust...Silver’s Long Johns! (They breathe!)
Wooden leg, restless heart
I’m hooked on you baby
But the seas keep us apart
And there ain’t no eye patch big enough
To cover up my broken heart...
A Pirate I Was Meant to Be
Haggis: We’re a band of vicious pirates
Edward: A-sailin’ out to sea!
Bill: When you hear our gentle singing...
Haggis: You’ll be sure to turn and flee!
Guybrush: Oh, this is just ridiculous.
Guybrush: Come on, men! We’ve got to recover that map!
Bill: That pirate will be done for, when he falls into our trap!
Bill: We’re a club of tuneful rovers
Haggis: We can sing in every clef!
Edward: We can even hit the high notes!
Haggis: It’s just too bad we’re tone deaf!
Bill/Edward/Haggis: A pirate i was meant to be! Trim the sails and roam the sea!
Guybrush: Let’s go defeat that evil pirate!
Edward: We know he’s sure to lose, ’cause we know [just] where to fire at!
Edward: We’re thieving balladeers.
Haggis: A gang of cutthroat mugs.
Bill: To fight us off ye don’t need guns!
Edward: Just really good ear-plugs!
Bill/Edward/Haggis: A pirate i was meant to be! Trim the sails and roam the sea!
Guybrush: All right, crew, let’s get to work!
Haggis: Our vocation is a thing we love, a thing we’d never shirk.
Haggis: We’ll fight you in the harbor.
Bill: We’ll battle you on land.
Edward: But when you meet singing pirates...
Guybrush: They’ll be more than you can stand.
Bill: [Ooooh!] That was a good one!
Guybrush: No, it wasn’t.
Guybrush: No time for song! We’ve got to move!
Bill: The battle will be long, but our courage we will prove!
Bill: We’re a pack a’ scurvy sea-dogs.
Haggis: Have we pity? Not a dram!
Edward: We all eat roasted garlic...
Haggis: ...then sing from the diaphragm!
Bill/Edward/Haggis: A pirate i was meant to be! Trim the sails and roam the sea!
Guybrush: Less singing, more sailing.
Edward: When we defeat our wicked foe, his ship he will be bailing!
Bill: If ye try ta fight us...
Haggis: ...you will get a nasty whackin’!
Edward: If ya disrespect our singin’...
Bill: ...we will feed ya to a kraken!
Bill/Edward/Haggis: A pirate i was meant to be! Trim the sails and roam the sea!
Guybrush: I’m getting so sick of you guys and your rhyming.
Haggis: We’re ready to set sail, though the cannons need a-priming.
Edward: We’re troublesome corsairs!
Bill: And we’ve come to steal your treasures!
Haggis: We would shoot you on the downbeat...
Edward: ...but we have to rest five measures.
Bill/Edward/Haggis: A pirate i was meant to be! Trim the sails and roam the sea!
Guybrush: Stop! Stop! Stop!
Bill: The brass is what we’ll polish and the deck is what we’ll mop.
Guybrush: You say you’re nasty pirates...
...scheming, thieving, bad bushwhackers?
From what I’ve seen I tell you...
...you’re not pirates!
You’re just slackers!
Bill/Edward/Haggis: A pirate i was meant to be! Trim the sails and roam the sea!
Guybrush: We’ll surely avoid scurvy if we all eat an orange.
Haggis: And...!
Haggis: ...um...
Bill: Well...
Edward: ...err...
Bill: Door hinge?
Edward: No, no...
Bill: Guess the song’s over, then.
Haggis: Guess so.
Edward: Okay, back to work.
Guybrush: Well gee. I feel a little guilty, now.
Plank of Love
This was intended to be playing at the end of Curse of Monkey Island, but was left out because of time constraints.
Guybrush
I was a lucky sailor
as free as a tropical breeze.
But your love clapped me in irons
And I can’t reach the keys!
Now my heart is in your brig,
and I know it’s not the only lodger.
But since you cast away my love,
I’m no longer a Jolly Roger.
All Plank of Love!
Guybrush Don’t make me take that one last step.
All Plank of Love!
Guybrush Why must you treat me like a schlep.
Guybrush
I’d keep an even keel,
but it’s a dirty deal!
There’s no appeal!
And now I must walk this plank of love.
Darling please be mine,
only you can make me whole.
Your love is the lime
for the scurvy in my soul.
I used to dream of sunken treasures,
But now my only wish is,
To be staying here with you tonight,
Instead of sleeping with the fishes.
All Plank of Love!
Elaine I love you though I know I shouldn’t.
All Plank of Love!
Elaine I’ll walk with you down that plank so wooden.
Elaine
My heart’s been cursed,
by your love coerced,
In thoughts of you I am immersed!
And now I must walk this plank of love.
Guybrush
You’ve got the booty I want the most,
I’m not talking about your money.
My life’s as dry as whole-wheat toast
Without you, my Plunder-Bunny.
Elaine
You know you’ve got my soul shang-hai-ed!
Not even all your corny jokes’ll
Make me wish that I was not your bride.
When you carry me ’cross your fo’c’sle.
All Plank of Love!
Guybrush Don’t drown me in the ocean salts.
All Plank of Love!
Guybrush Don’t think my song is only schmaltz.
Elaine You’re a pirate mighty.
Guybrush You’re my Aphrodite.
Both
Next to you, my heart feels flighty,
And now I must walk this plank of love.
Guybrush
But now our love’s in danger,
You’re a statue, made of gold.
It makes my heart sink like an anchor,
Keeping you in my cargo hold.
Elaine, I can’t wait to see you,
in a sparkling wedding gown,
But if I can’t break that curse soon,
I’m gonna have to melt you down.
All Plank of Love!
Guybrush I hope that curse breaks quick.
All Plank of Love!
Guybrush ’Cause the balloon payments due soon on this ship.