For prosperity's sake: This article is almost two decades old and no longer reflects . . . anything. We apologize!


An article by Captain Mystery, posted on March 07. 2003.

"Star Wars is just a giant money making farce" - Another pearl of wisdom from The International House of Mojo's message boards.

Without Star Wars, there'd be no Monkey Island. Without Star Wars, there'd be no LucasArts. Wow, how's that for an attempt at a grandiose piece of over-statement? If it wasn't for George Lucas' space soap opera blended with ideas lifted from quality cinematic predecessors like Kurosawa's Seven Samurai there wouldn't be a pleasantly air-conditioned office complex staffed by LucasArts employees out in San Rafael. All you'd have is just another faceless computer games corporation that half the so-called gaming community would be criticizing for forcing mindless, cheaply made pap on them. But as we all know (parallel universe machines notwithstanding), George Lucas got to make his movie. In turn, it made him a millionaire. In turn, that gave him the resources to set up LucasArts. And yet even today, despite all the adventure games die-hard Monkey Island yahoos praise the company for, LucasArts are still broadly lambasted right around May every year, when their line up for E3 is announced.

What's the problem? The proliferation of Star Wars games. Yeah, petty, isn't it? Complaining about a company producing a majority of probable money-spinning games under a world-famous license thereby giving them funds to try riskier, less mainstream products like Grim Fandango is a bizarre situation. It's like mugging someone and saying Thanks for the money, but next time, don't put it in such a cheap wallet, asshole. You're complaining about the money men's methods for producing an end result you're happy with. Get over it. Star Wars games make money, because there's always a half-wit with too much money prepared to drool over anything that whiffs of Obi Wan. Take Mr. Geek (for that is his name) and swap that copy of Rebel Assault III: Even Less Interaction for a boxed version of Day Of The Tentacle, and he'll just stare blankly at the game, before ditching it and blowing his $30 on a two-day Taco Bell binge.

It has become an annual ritual for LucasArts' fans to roundly condemn the company for selling out to the Star Wars franchise whenever they unleash their latest batch of titles set in that galaxy far, far away. These fans seem convinced the decision makers in California are acting in a guileful manner, determined to phase out that pantheon of the adventure gaming nerd; the Temple of Point and Click. It's either that, or when LucasArts announces the exciting greenlight given to Star Wars Racer IV: Nobody Cares, the company is accused of a creative lethargy and willing to sacrifice innovation and originality for the quick-buck profitability of a by-the-numbers Star Wars tie-in. Yet, of course, this fickle band of community complainers are willing to give plaudits to the same company when money from the Star Wars games is used to fund such truly inspiring games as Grim Fandango. If having ten Star Wars games to every one adventure game bothers you so much, consider the alternative. Five Star Wars games to no adventure games.

No amount of half-assed petitions or badly written forum posts (accompanied with a liberal use of exclamation marks and angry text faces) is going to change the fact that less Star Wars means less money for LucasArts, which means less new gaming ventures. Just look what the supposedly filthy lucre has brought this time round; RTX Red Rock, Gladius, another Indiana Jones game and they've all been uniformly good even Full Throttle II. While that last entry may well justifiably be labeled as a big mistake, it's true that none of those original titles (and not a Skywalker-related story in any of them) would have been possible had it not been for the phenomenal appeal, easy marketing and quick, profitable sales of the many Star Wars games licensed or made in-house by LucasArts. If you don't like the number of games being made that are set in that particular fictional universe, there's a simple solution. Ignore them. There are millions of people who won't, so your beloved adventure games are safe.

Cry capitalistic greed if you want to, it's not going to change the corporation's mind. Deride them for claiming to be producing entertainment when really you think it's cheap, money-spinning pap. But to say you dislike LucasArts simply because they happen to know what makes money is unnecessary grand-standing. Just try and make a decent adventure game without strong funding. The results will look a lot less like your beloved Monkey Island, Sam & Max and the rest and a lot more like something that's been churned out of Klik N' Play. The ones complaining about LucasArts selling out to Star Wars are the same people who bemoan the fact that adventure games never sell well. Sorry? LucasArts' canon of Star Wars games may well be a necessary means to get the end result you want more diverse, original games. If you can come up with a better idea, tell it to yourself, because I don't care.
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Comment from Shrimp

Jedi Outcast owns capt. mystery

Comment from nothing

Well said captain well said.

Comment from Captain Mystery

Oh my, a company's major financial decisions made by its own directors in a board room? Whatever next?

Comment from Captain Ashtray

Captain Mystery, you stink. Lucas Arts should drop the Starwars line of games. Why? Because it's stagnant, stale, unimaginative, etc. We've seen way to many of these games. It's kinda like the Star Trek series. They are all piss poor quality and way too many. What next? JarJar's Woodland Adventure? Or maybe Sim Deathstar? Lucas Arts shouldn't have to rely on a franchise to make financial ends meet. What happened to their imagination? They can't make up new stories? Or new adventures? That's sad IMO. The Monkey Island series can stand on it's own with good writers. Where are the writers? Hmmm... I suppose it's the working stiffs in the board room making all the decisions.

Well, this guy isn't buying that crap and Captain Mystery is.

Comment from spitmaster

Anyone for a Spitting Contest?

Comment from Ben_Whatsisname

Wow - the stars and planets have all aligned perfectly for one night. :) For once, I agree with the Cap'n wholeheartedly. Good thinking, Mysterious One, and great argument. I'm a fan of the movies, not a die-hard drooling fanboy, mind you, but a fan. Not a real fan of the games, but Jedi Outcast and Pod Racer still get frequent spin-ups in my system just because Pod Racer is a fun drive and Outcast is a hell of an fps...

I admit, I am looking forward to Full Throttle II because the original has held my focus for so long I want to see where technology and time take the sequel. But, being a die-hard movie nitpicker, I know I will find faults in it because "perfection" is only possible for anyone if that one person goes to lucasarts and shapes each detail to their own vision. In other words, "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder" - hehehe

I would like to point out something that you didn't though...not to conflict your views, but rather to add to them... How many of these "star wars games suck" people were the first to point out newfound star wars injokes in each newly released adventure game? Hmmm?

*looking out at crowd of anti-star wars adventurers* How many of you think you're worthy to cast the first stone?

Give 'em hell, Captain...

Comment from Andi Wan

Gosh you are a condescending prick

Comment from Captain Mystery

Yes, spoons are funny.

Comment from Andi Wan

"Come over here so I can kill you. I got a spoon here. I wanna dig your heart out."

That's classic JBRAA! I love it!

Comment from spitmaster

Oh,man... Stop already. This ain't go nothing to do with the initial topic.

Comment from JBRAA

Come over here so I can kill you. I got a spoon here. I wanna dig your heart out.

Comment from Captain Mystery

There already is such a function. It's called "not clicking to read them". You are a smart child.

Comment from JBRAA

let me put it this way. please make a function so i can choose to not see 'captain mystery articles'. possible with php perhaps. i really dislike the mix of that kind of crap with monkey island. i'd still read captain mysterys articles, cause they are (or were) interesting. but i'd want them on another site. thats it. you're really doing a good job webmastering this site otherwise remi.

Comment from MrManager

That question doesn't make sense to me. Right now I'm eating lunch and typing this message, if that's the answer you're looking for.

Comment from JBRAA

"we are doing this web page for fun and to provide people with information about Monkey Island" remi what are you doing?

Comment from Andi Wan

Yeah, Mystery should know alot about that. He is the king of retarded comment battlers.

Oh and if that was directed at me Jake, fuck off.

Comment from Captain Mystery


Comment from Andi Wan

My interest in you and this conversation is exhausted. I have one last point in summation though:

I think your columns are a primitively written and ill conceived waste of space, and I think you needed to be hugged more as a child.

Rebut if you can be bothered.

Comment from Captain Mystery

Andi: Because writing about things that are great and really super-fun nice and that I like a lot doesn't seem very interesting.

Comment from MDChurchill

Couldn't agree more.

Comment from Andi Wan

I apologise for the typing error. I thought I had written "you are". However, you can hardly claim to be perfect either. For instance:

"There was nothing wrong the grammar in my post."

So don't lecture me. The reason I didn't pick up my error earlier is because you tried to tell me that "you are" MUST be written as "you're". Refer to previous comments for this one.

But we are moving away from the point. Why do you waste your time talking about things that you don

Comment from JBRAA

I downloaded a Star Wars PC game once. It was when I had my 28.8 modem. It had about 4 colours or something and the speed was insane. Must have been created for a 286 or something. Or 80-86 hehe.

Comment from Erdan

Just posting to say: good article. A bit long though. Could you, Captain, perhaps write less? It hurts my eyes to be staring at the screen for so long. Oh, and great joke. "My asking me". Still laughing. Brought tears to my eyes. Oh God...

spitmaster - S

Comment from Captain Mystery

"Your" does not mean "you are" in any context. So to say "But if your asking me" is just plain dumb.

This is getting petty, but I am petty, so I don't care. My comment "what about my asking me?" was a joke playing on the fact that you used the phrase "your", which would indicate something belonging to me.

Comment from Andi Wan

No, I could have chosen to express myself in the vulgar abbreviated form, but I chose not to. You must be an American. I don't think I will be taking any english lessons from you in the near future.

If you don't think anything is wrong with "What about my asking me?", you need to go back to school (or perhaps you are still there judging by your level of expression). But since you feel it is a valid response, I will try to decipher it as best I can.

You asked me why I cared enough to comment. I responded, then queried why you take the time to comment on issues you distain.

Comment from Captain Mystery

There was nothing wrong the grammar in my post. I'll explain it to you...and for free!

You were asking about something belonging to me (that's what 'your' means). If you wanted to say "But if you are asking me", you should have abbreviated you are to 'you're'.

So if you knew how to write, it would have been "If you're asking me."

Here ends the lesson!

Comment from Andi Wan

Grammar Captain, grammar.

I didn't even understand your last post. Please restate it in an intelligible manner.

Comment from Captain Mystery

"But if your asking me"

What about my asking me?

Comment from Andi Wan

I only read 1/3 of the article, then skipped to the last sentence. You were just stating the bleeding obvious. There was nothing "shocking", about it at all. The fact that it was consummately pedestrian is reason enough to care.

But the reason I am continuing to care is because I'm sick of you and your self important attitude.

But if you are asking me why I bother to comment on issues that I don't care about, then why do you write articles about a community you so obviously despise. Why do YOU feel the need to comment, at length!!

Comment from Captain Mystery

I like how you don't care so much you feel the need to comment.

Comment from Andi Wan

Geeze, now you really are grabbing at straws CAPTAIN Boring, oh sorry, Mystery. Picking me up on spelling mistakes in a hurriedly typed message really is the new low point in your ongoing search for attention. (And we all thought the Star Wars article was as low as you could go.)

It is really time to abandon your pompous, self important tirades because nobody cares anymore.

Comment from Erwin_Br

*eek!* you calling me clown *was* shocking. Maybe you're not that dead after all.

Oh, and that's Mr. Clown to you, Mister.

Comment from Captain Mystery

It's Captain to you, clown.

Comment from Erwin_Br

Aww come on! This article isn't shocking at all. I hope you haven't lost the touch, Mr. Mystery.

Comment from Captain Mystery

Andi Wan: it's just you. And just to show I can be original, I won't comment on your spelling mistakes.

Comment from Andi Wan

Is it me, or is captian mystery becoming increasingly boring. I think it might be time for him to get over the power trip and move on.

Comment from benjoyce

Well, how can we know it if you haven't even showed a picture?
By the way, I think you should shave! And maybe dye your hair with red dye #2

Comment from Captain Mystery

More people need to vote on how sexy I am.

Comment from MrManager

Even the worst Star Wars game has sold pretty well. A good (bad?) example is Force Commander, which hung in the top 5 for a while.

Comment from mr. teliot

I wonder... Do they really make that much money from the star wars games? I don't think I know anyone who has actually bought one. I also think the Star Wars games are really bad publicity for Lucasarts since they are all really crappy games (except for Jedi outcast) and always get shit reviews (except for jedi outcast again).

Comment from Balanchuy

allot of the star wars games are good but that doesnt mean there isnt too many.
and has lucas arts made an rpg before?

Comment from ED


no wait hang on I agree with him this time.

Comment from Spit Master

I agree with Benjoyce, and I think that the Captain got the point.
But, I also think(maybe I

Comment from benjoyce

Well I'm not really interested in RTX and Gladius, but I agree that a greedy company in this commercial state would not stop easy money making.

But Monkey Island players yearn for a change. MI community wants to see something more that refixing and reoptimizing an SW game engine and exchanging the charcters from Episode one to 2. They yell for something original. And aadly, M. Mystery, you didn't make the grade here, I think. You've proved your point, but I can't accept. There are still too many SW games.

And let's check "Ye Olde Poll" and see how the Captain changed others minds about SW games. (Current State:Too many: 61% The Cpt. is so sexy: 39% Not enough : _0%_ out of 18 people's votes)Hmmm, It is interesting.

Comment from marek@adventuregamer


Wait, no, I don't. Great article.

Comment from mercatfat

Well, he's right. Again.

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