Happy Festivus!

Ah yes, it's that time of year again. Snow is falling, Perry Como is on the radio every other minute, and everybody seem to like eggnog all of a sudden. This can only mean one thing - it's time for Festivus - a holiday for the rest-uv-us! And true to tradition, we open the day with the airing of grievances. First out is Gabez, addressing the Monkey Island community as a whole. (If you are a sensitive and easily offended person you might not want to read this. You have been warned!)
"We begin this year's airing of grievances with my airing of grievances. And after a year of putting up with s**t I got a lot of airing to do! To business:

I'll begin with the biggest but by no means worst offender: the Monkey Island off-topic forum creeps? No-one bloody cares if you're pregnant or had a bad day at work, or if you're wanting to commit suicide. As the Americans say, s**t or get off the pot. I also hate the way you stick with a forum topic for about two posts before discussing the sex appeal of Ray Jones's underpants. For any newcomer it's hell trying to join a thread when the last discussion point was "lol u so sexy".

Linking to that are the Monkey Island forum Nazis. A lot of people will get offended because I called them Nazis, but I'm sorry, they are. Does killing Jews and worshiping Hitler make you a Nazi? Yes? Then they're Nazis.

Next up are all the twats who message me on MSN saying "do u like Monkekey Island???", or who say (and this is worst of all) "who r u", when they were the ones who f**king added me in the first place. And to answer the first question, no I don't like Monkey Island, I f**king hate it.

I was semi-serious about that last one, actually. I liked Monkey Island before all the f**king Goths ruined it by liking it too. I guess I'm attracted to stuff that isn't known so much and therefore spoilt.

Which brings me onto my next grievance: people who cuss things before they try them. SPECIFICALLY people who have a go at The Last Express. Come on, it's a brilliant game! Just because you played the s***ty demo it doesn't mean you're an expert on it. I admit that the game isn't for anyone, but if it isn't your cup of tea then shut the hell up about how it sucks just don't discuss it. That includes you, Remi!

The problem with the Internet is everyone thinks they're right. But they're not! They're all WRONG, probably because they're opinions are based on the flimsiest of evidence and they're all stuck up their own arses.

I also hate the World of Monkey Island for not mentioning my topical yet hilarious comic when they posted about their Christmas design. C**ts.

My second biggest grievance is those Internet "discussions", especially if it's about something remotely to do with God. Those people don't have a clue about the philosophy of religion, and when you try to point that out they ignore you. You can do that on the Internet. You just quote some other forum post I made and make the same point about that again and again. There's no winning. In real life you can force people into answering your points, or at least try to, but on the Internet no-one can hear you scream.

Guess what? I'm not excited about that Monkey Island play. I think it'll probably suck. Why is it that there are still plays that are set in the same Stanislavski style of wooden backdrops with linear plots and no imagination! Monkey Island f**king screams out to be done a la Brecht, but will those twats listen? Will they f**k!

My second to last grievance is aimed at you, the reader. Not only have you actually read all this s**te but you also probably pissed me off sometime this year, so f**k you.

And my biggest grievance? Natty. And I mean that literally.

Happy Festivus!"

That was truly beautiful. And what could be a better way to follow up a tirade like that than having an airing of grievance about Gabez himself, as told by Remi, who at this point realizes that following up that one might be rather difficult. :~

"I got a lot of problems with you, Gabez! And now you're gonna hear about them!

What is up with you thinking that you're all hip and cool, when you are clearly nothing but a geek? 'Ooooh, look at me, I'm Gabez, I'm too hip to fraternize on gfn, so I use the ultra-cool MSN instead!' Seriously, pulling a Pedgey like that? Yeah, I said it - you're just like Pedgey. What the hell's the matter with you? Running away all 'Oh nobody loves me :('...

Can't you see how ironic it is that you're complaining like you do i your grievance? In fact, you're clearly displaying worse teenage angst than anybody in the forums. All the bitching and moaning from you, it's getting so amazingly annoying. Go get a real life - you're being an embarrassment to this site!

Speaking of the site, what am I paying you for? You never update anymore, probably as a result of being too 'hip' to do so. It's a sad state of affair when I get more help from benny and Thrik and even elTee. Pathetic!

And what the hell is the deal with going on and on and on about The Last Express? It's only a game, and a crappy one at that! But oh, I forgot, geeks really, really like their games, don't they?

Happy Festivus!"

Have any grievances of your own? Feel free to post them in the comments section!