Return to Monkey Island (Main)

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LeChuck’s Diary

Aka LeDiary, as found in LeChuck’s cabin on LeShip..

May 24

I'm really enjoying this new diary that Cutthroat Kelly got me. I'm impressed that they would bestow this gift on me, given I was the one that cut their throat.

I'm going to write in it every day.

June 5

It's the 5th of June.

Time flies when you're having fun. Sailing. Pillaging. Terrorizing. Etc.

July 9

Crazy times tonight. Crew had a “What is your most embarrassing Guybrush story” game of charades around the big pot.

August 1

Just crossed the 19th parallel on our way to terrorize Brrr Muda. Ran into a pesky customs ship.

Easy to outrun and lob voodoo cannonballs at.

August 3

Bundled up and went up on the deck to do some more star charts. Got a good look at The Grog Mug!

November 30

Arrived at Skull Bay and dropped anchor. Putra is going to make mac and cheese for dinner.

If I didn't know better I'd say she was underperforming on purpose.

December 4

Attacked and scuttled a mail ship today. Good fun! The sea was covered with tatters of holiday gift wrapping and it looked like an exploded clown.

Brought back fond memories, but I seem to have forgotten the name of the clown. Note to self: do more memory exercises.

December 12

Trying out a new catchphrase, random catchphrase is inserted here. This is much better than my last one.

December 19

The new main sail looks too nice. I'm sending a deck hand up to rip and shred it, so it has more of an evil feel.

December 20

New crew keeps asking why I hate Guybrush Threepwood so much. I can't point to one thing with Guybrush. It's an endless list of little annoying things with him.

Guybrush keeps popping into my life when I least expect it. I rue the day when I first went up against him years ago after he ruined the wedding to my true love, Elaine.

December 25

Decided to get myself a new catch phrase for Christmas: random catchphrase is inserted here.

Ho ho ho.

January 5

Forgot to mention crew threw me a birthday party the day after we got to Skull Bay.

I keelhauled them all.

P.S. Keel needed cleaning anyway.

January 9

Thinking more about why I hate Guybrush. He seems to think we're nemeses. Mortal enemies locked in a forever combat.

Truth is, I could care less about him. It's like the mosquito thinking we're nemeses, when the mosquito is just an annoying insect to be squashed.

January 12

Iron Rose called my catchphrase “tired” this morning. Lashed her to the bowsprit, but have decided to give “By my bristling beard!” a try.

February 1

Had a long conversation with Rose as we roasted s'mores over burning bodies on the beach of Terror Island (I love that place).

Her point of view is that the more I dismiss Guybrush as a simple irritant, the more it's obvious that he and I are truly nemeses.

February 2

Making a list of all the reasons I hate Guybrush Threepwood.

  1. Stupid name. Who names their kid Guybrush.
  2. Thinks he's a mighty pirate when he's neither.
  3. Always trying to hunt for the same treasure I am.
  4. Stole Elaine from me.
  5. He gets much better press than I do.
  6. Only interested in the glamor of piracy. I walk the walk. He just talks.
  7. My ship is a lot better than his.

February 14

Oh Elaine. All these long years I still yearn for the warmth of your embrace.

Damn Guybrush. The day will come and the end of thee is foretold.

February 17

Idea for a new catchphrase: random catchphrase is inserted here. Not sure about this one yet, will have to sleep on it before I put it into action.

March 9

Seagulls circling the ship again today! Normally, giant rats with wings would be my sort of thing, but they try to steal my morning kippers and they're whitewashing the deck to the point where none of us can keep our footing. Thinking of conjuring a permanent storm to keep the blasted things at bay.

March 12

The ship is a mess. I'm instituting a new required swabbie report.

March 30

Tested out new punishment techniques this afternoon. Whaling hooks were highly effective! Will need to replace a few crew members. Only remembered afterwards Rose's recommendation not to use the ship's surgeon as one of the test subjects. Will schedule her for an extra few lashes for letting me forget.

April 1

I've decided to give up terrorizing the seas. When we get to port, I'm going to look into some charity work, dig up my plunder, and pay restitution to my victims. Top of my list is apologizing to Guybrush and giving him a big hug.

April 2

Ha ha ha. Crack myself up.

April 9

Decided to revise my catchphrase to “Threepwood's bane!” Short and sweet. I like it.

April 10

Problem with new catchphrase: hearing Threepwood's name too often. I'm going back to the one I had on the 17th.

May 4

Map to The Secret arrived today! Security measures do not seem to be working, but now that it's here on LeShip, it can't possibly fall into the wrong hands anyway. I should have had Wally use my personal cypher, but he wanted to bind it tighter to me. Will have a word with that sniveling little mapmaker about it once The Secret is recovered.

May 8

Yancy and Mad Flora mentioned Guybrush at dinner. Will need to hire replacements. Maybe at Mêlée, already stopping there for voodoo supplies.

May 10

Made port at Mêlée. Townfolk surprisingly un-fazed by the presence of LeShip. Miss the old days! Note to self: destroy a few buildings with cannon fire on next visit.

May 14

Just came up with a doozie of an insult (he he, I crack myself up) and sent Guybrush to his death.

There will be celebration this eve.

Note to self - send my condolences to Elaine.