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Books...
Adult Entertainment
"Zelda Carbuncle Tells All"
Memoirs Of A Woman Of Dubious Pleasure.
|
|
|
Animatronics
"Animatronics"
By Walt Whimsy
|
|
It's technical stuff, I can't understand a word of it.
|
Animatronics
"Under The Surface"
By Walt Whimsy
|
|
It's technical stuff, I can't understand a word of it.
|
Annotation
See Footnoting
|
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|
Archaeology
"X Never Marks The Spot"
By I. Jones
|
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Art
"Vagueness As An Art Form"
|
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|
Art/philosophy
"Idealism Or Surrealism?"
Philosophy/art Textbook.
|
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|
Beverages
"Beverages For Everyone"
|
|
You know, I don't believe there's a man, woman, or child alive who doesn't occasionally enjoy a lonely beverage.
|
Biography
"Both Hands Empty"
The Herman Toothrot Story.
|
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Biography
"Both Hands Moving"
The Stan Story.
|
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Biography
"Both Heads Empty"
The Fettucini Brothers Story.
|
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Biography
"A Fistful Of Barnacles"
Journal Of Captain Twiddlymore
|
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Biography
"Lick The Silver Spoon"
By L. Phatt
|
|
|
Biography
"Me And Blackbeard"
|
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|
Biography
"The Time I Blew Up Lechuck"
Questionable Memoirs Of Guybrush Threepwood
|
|
I can't believe I'm reading my own memoirs.
|
Biography
"Yikes!"
Memoirs Of Captain Gilbert
|
|
Yikes!
|
Body
"Unusual Birthmarks"
|
|
|
Breakfast
"Breakfast At Meathook's"
|
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Business
"How To Make Friends And Influence People"
By Bluebeard
|
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Cannibalism
"How To Serve Your Fellow Man"
By Lemonhead
|
|
Yikes!
|
Cannibalism
See Also: Self-Help
|
|
|
Cheese
"Guide To Cheeses Of The World"
Reference
|
|
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Children's Books
"The Sinister Beast Under The Bed"
|
|
Hmm... Good bedtime reading…
|
Children's Books
"Treasury Of Pirate Children's Stories"
|
|
|
Circuses
"Alfredo And Bill's Excellent Adventure"
Fiction
|
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Circuses
"Damn The Human Torpedo"
The Origin Of The Human Cannonball Trick.
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Classics
"Great Expectorations"
By Captain Loogie
|
|
This is very...
|
Collectables
"Junk, Junk, And More Junk"
A Guide To Collectable Memorabilia.
|
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Cooking
"Noteworthy Pirate Foods"
|
|
Hey, it's blank!
|
Cooking
"Viscous Fluids You Can Make At Home"
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Crafts
"Crochet Eyepatches For Fun And Profit"
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Cross-Reference
See Referential Obscurantism
|
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Cryptography
"The Code In My Nose"
Unique Message Drops Through History.
|
|
Sounds uncomfortable.
|
Dewey Decimal System
See Organizational Schema
|
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Disasters
"Great Shipwrecks Of Our Century"
From The Lime-Life Disaster Series.
|
|
Says here the Mad Monkey sank at ??N, ??W.
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Disease
"Fascinating Facts About Scurvy"
|
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Disease
"Shipboard Diseases"
|
|
Gross.
|
Dogs
"Dog English Dictionary"
Reference
|
|
It says here that "Arf has twenty-seven meanings in Dog.
|
Education
"Preparing For The Pirate Aptitude Test"
By S. Karpman
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Entertainment
"Quiet On The Set"
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Entymology
"Tomato Worms"
An Owner's Manual
|
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Entymology
"Origins Of Pirate Words"
|
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It says here that most pirate lingo can be traced to Phoenician restroom grafitti.
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Farthington Dynasty
Games
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Fashion
"Summer Swashbuckling Fashions"
Three Years Of The Popular Periodical
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Fiction
"Five More Than I Needed"
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Fiction
"Not So Much As A Doubloon"
An Anthology Of Short Fiction
|
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Fiction
"Very, Very Short Stories"
|
|
Yep, these are short all right.
|
Finance
"Easy Ways To Make Money"
|
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Fish
"Big Book Of Fish"
Illustrated Guide To Fish Of The World.
|
|
It`s a bunch of neat pictures of fish.
|
Fishing
"Limpit Fishing: The Lost Art"
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|
Food
"I Married A Muenster"
By S. Cheese
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Food
"Life-Size And Larger"
|
|
|
Food
"Rats As A Protein Source"
Ick.
|
|
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Food
See Also: Cannibalism
|
|
|
Footnoting
See Vicious Pedantry
|
|
|
Games
"Hal Barwood On Monkey 2"
A Critical Review.
|
|
"Less is more, guys!"
|
Games
"Fan-Tan Fanatic"
By Elroy T. Funbun
|
|
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Games
"King Of Shuffleboard"
An Account Of The Farthington Dynasty.
|
|
|
Genealogy
"My Mother The Cart"
Strange But True Tales.
|
|
This is creepy!
|
Genetics
"How To Make A Jackalope"
|
|
I wonder how they get them to cooperate?
|
Geometry
"Properties Of The Elliptic Hyperboloid"
|
|
It`s technical stuff, I can`t understand a word of it.
|
Ghost Pirate Lechuck
"When I Blew Up Lechuck"
One Of Threepwood's Worst.
|
|
The catalog was right, this IS pretty bad.
|
Ghost Pirate Lechuck
"Where I Blew Up Lechuck"
One Of Threepwood's Worst.
|
|
The catalog was right, this IS pretty bad.
|
Ghost Pirate Lechuck
"Why I Blew Up Lechuck"
One Of Threepwood's Worst.
|
|
The catalog was right, this IS pretty bad.
|
Godiva, Lady
"The Shirt Off My Back"
Biography, See Also Adult Entertainment
|
|
Darn, no pictures.
|
Grave Robbing
"Popular Punishments For Grave Robbers"
|
|
Yikes!
|
Grog, Addiction To
"I Am Blackbeard's Liver"
The Horrifying True Story Of A Confessed Grogaholic
|
|
Just say no to grog.
|
Headings
See Cross-Reference
|
|
|
History
"Careful With Those Cannonballs!"
Legend Of The Glass-Bottomed Armada
|
|
"Careful With Those Cannonballs!"
|
History
See Also: Scabb Island
|
|
|
Hogwash
"Rememberance Of Molly"
|
|
|
Humor
"Bad Puns For Bad Pirates"
By N. Falstein
|
|
heh.
|
Humor
"Dumb Pirate Jokes"
|
|
|
Humor, Gallows
"So You're Going To Be Executed
|
|
Gulp.
|
Ice Cream
"Pirates' Favorite Ice Cream Flavors"
|
|
Hmm, Pistachio Dryrot, Salmonella Chip, Grog 'n' Cream…
|
Idols
"Tikis Of The South Pacific"
Reference
|
|
|
Igloos
"Igloo Construction Made Easy"
|
|
|
Imaginary Numbers
"The New Tax Laws"
Light Fiction.
|
|
It`s a bit dry, and I don't like the ending.
|
Indian Burns
"How To Give Great Indian Burns"
|
|
|
Inferiority
"The Complex Complex"
|
|
|
Internal Revenue Service
See Imaginary Numbers.
|
|
|
Jello
"The Story Of Jello"
|
|
|
Jellyfish
"Our Spineless Cousins"
|
|
|
Justice
"Kangaroo Court"
Critique Of The Modern Judicial System.
|
|
|
Juvenile Behavior
"Cow-Tipping Enthusiast"
Collected Essays On Form And Style.
|
|
|
Karma
"My Karma Just Ran Over Your Dogma"
See Also: Philosophy
|
|
I think philosophy stuff is just a waste of time.
|
Keelhauling
"Keelhauling: Methodology And Practice"
|
|
|
Kidneys
"The Little Organ That Could"
Pop-Up Book Of Kidney Functions.
|
|
There are little pop-up kidneys in it!
|
Kleptomania
"Kleptomania"
|
It Says Here That Kleptomania Is The Nigh-Irresistable Compulsion To Take Anything Not Nailed Down.
Hmmm…
|
Language
"Hip Lingo For Pirates"
A Dictionary Of Modern Slang Terms.
|
|
Hmmm...
|
Lice
"Louse Ranching For Fun And Profit"
|
|
|
Lunch
"Afternoon At Meathook's"
|
|
Fascinating…
|
Lyrics
"Rock And Raunch"
Banned Record Albums Of The Past Decade.
|
|
I don't see what's so bad about these lyrics.
|
Manatees
"Damp Damsels Of The Deep"
|
|
|
Manatees
"The Sailor And The Sea Cow"
-- A Fable
|
|
|
Martial Arts
"Theory And Practice Of Bone Breakage"
|
|
Hey, this guy's only a PINK belt!
|
Mathematics
"Cubic Lemniscate Formulas"
|
|
Boy, is this stuff boring.
|
Maze Construction
See Annotation
|
|
|
Military
"The Steath Sailor: Why It Won't Sail"
|
|
|
Money
"Make Easy Money At Home"
|
|
It says I should send in two dollars for details.
|
Mountains
"The Majesty Of The Sierras"
|
|
Sierras? Majestic? I think not.
|
Music
"Elvis Lives"
Predictions Of Future Music By Nottruedamus
|
|
|
Music
"Grammy Award Winners Of The Renaissance
|
|
|
Music
"World's Worst Pirate Songs"
|
|
Hey, "A thousand bottles of beer on the wall."
|
Music
"Xylophone For Beginners"
|
|
|
Mystery
"How Much Wood?"
From The Woodchuck Mystery Series.
|
|
I think the butler did it.
|
Narcissism
"Feeling Good About Narcissism"
|
|
The 'about the author' part goes almost the whole way through the book.
|
Narcolepsy
"Confessions Of A Narcoleptic
|
|
Boy, what a sleeper.
|
New Age
"Dynanetics By L. Ron Gilbert"
|
|
Who does this guy think he is, anyway?
|
Night
"Sounds Under The Bed"
|
|
|
Noises
"A Definitive Guide To Cartoon Noises"
|
|
|
Noogies
"How To Give Great Noogies"
|
|
|
Normality
"A White Picket Fence"
Sociological Study.
|
|
|
Noses
"Honk If You Have To"
Colds, Allergies, And Other Ailments.
|
|
|
Nostalgia
"Soda Fountains Of My Youth"
By Ponce De Leon
|
|
Boy, does this guy ever wan to relive his childhood.
|
Numerology
"Numerology For Beginners"
|
|
|
Nylon
"Uses Of Nylon By Pirates"
|
|
|
Obesity
"More Of Me To Love"
By L. Phatt
|
|
|
Obscenity
"&$*#!"
Symbolic Equivalents Of Obscene Words And Phrases.
|
|
This stuff is really repulsive!
|
Okra
"My Favorite Gumbo Recipes"
See Also Food.
|
|
|
Olives
"Scourge Of The Pizza"
Examination Of Forced Olive Consumption
|
|
|
Optimism
"There's Always A Rainbow"
|
|
I hate people who write books like this.
|
Orangutans
"Our Hairy Cousins"
|
|
I have a lot of cousins like that…
|
Organizational Schema
See Labyrinths
|
|
|
Origami
"Paper Buffalo"
Advanced Origami Designs.
|
|
"Paper Buffalo"
|
Orthapedics
"Hear The Sound Of My Feet Talking"
|
|
It`s about zen orthopedics or some such foolishness.
|
Philosophy
"Deliberance"
A Philisophical Treatise.
|
|
|
Philosophy
"Rastafarian Philosophy"
|
|
I don't get it.
|
Pillaging
"All About Pillaging"
From The Popular How-To Series
|
|
|
Pillaging
"Masters Of Pillaging"
Interviews With Some Of The Best.
|
|
Wow!
|
Piracy
"Pirating Primer"
For The Novice Pirate.
|
|
This is about something called "software" piracy.
|
Poetry
"Three Sheets To The Wind"
Poetry By Pirates.
|
|
This is some of the worst poetry I've ever read.
|
Quotations
"Famous Pirate Quotations"
|
Quotations:
"Aaarrrrrrrg!"
"Happiness is a warm Manatee."
"Kiss me, I've got scurvy."
"Mouthwash? We don't need no stinking mouthwash!"
"Violets are blue, roses are red...
We're coming aboard. Prepare to eat lead."
Pirates:
-Barney Gout
-Commander Buttonhead
-Fester Leach
-Old Skunk-Eye
-Rapp Scallion
|
Recipes, Voodoo
"The Joy Of Hex"
101 Essential Voodoo Recipes.
|
|
I think it`s meant for advanced voodoo practitioners.
|
Referential Obscurantism
See Groupings
|
|
|
Romance
"Amour's Agonizing Adieu"
By Melanie Leary
|
|
Argh!
|
Romance
"Desire's Distasteful Denouement"
By Melanie Leary
|
|
Dumb!
|
Romance
"Fascination's Final Frenzy"
By Melanie Leary
|
|
Fiddle-sticks!
|
Romance
"Love's Lingering Lassitude"
By Melanie Leary
|
|
Truly disgusting.
|
Romance
"Next To Nothing"
By E. Marley, an account of her time with Guybrush Threepwood.
|
|
If you can`t say something nice, you're not supposed to say anything at all. Much less write a whole BOOK.
|
Romance
"Passion's Persistent Presence"
By Melanie Leary
|
|
Why would she write this?
|
Romance
"Romance's Wretched Residue"
By Melanie Leary
|
|
Ridiculous!
|
Romance
"Sin's Sordid Swan Song"
By Melanie Leary
|
|
Stupid!
|
Romance
"Yearning's Yellowing Yesterdays"
By Melanie Leary
|
|
Yuck!
|
Sailing
"If I Only Had A Drain"
Perils Of Showering Aboard Ship
|
|
|
Salmon
"Lox And Locks"
Modern Problems Facing Salmon.
|
|
|
Scabb Island
"Scabb Island History"
An Introduction
|
Says here that Scabb was first settled as a quarantine island for skin diseases.
It later became a haven for pirates because of it`s distinctive lack of authority figures.
|
Self-Help
"Pirates Who Love Too Much"
|
|
|
Self-Help
"Not Eating People And Feeling Good About It"
Confessions Of An Ex-Cannibal
|
|
|
Sharks
"Killers Of The Deep"
A Study Of Caribbean Sharks.
|
|
|
Shipbuilding
"Modern Shipbuilding"
By G. Steele
|
|
|
Sin
"The Hidden Sins Of Calculus"
|
|
Boy, this is reactionary!
|
Sin
"Top Seven Deadly Sins"
|
|
'Sloth' is my favorite.
|
Slang, Pirate
"Shiver My Timbers"
See Also: Language
|
|
"Yarrrr, matey." I wonder if anyone really talks like this.
|
Sociology
"Social Darwinism And Social Disease"
Comparative Social Theory.
|
|
An interesting comparison.
|
Solitaire
"A Million And One Ways To Play Solitaire"
By Herman Toothrot
|
|
What a rip.
|
Spiritual
"Gift Of The Lizard People"
|
|
|
Spiritual
"Over The We're's Nest"
|
|
|
Stupidity
"Walk Thru Walls: The Intelligence Avoider"
An Analysis Of The System, Pat Pending.
|
|
I certainly don't need this...
|
Subheadings
See Maze Construction
|
|
|
Subtraction
"Subtraction: Addition's Tricky Partner"
|
|
It`s technical stuff, I can`t understand a word of it.
|
Surgery
"Operating Without A Net"
Techniques For Safe Surgery.
|
|
It says to always use latex gloves.
|
Tattoos
"Why Chicks Dig Tattoos"
|
|
Hmm... Maybe I should get one.
|
Tattoos
"Tattoo-Related Skin Infections"
|
|
Hmm... Maybe I shouldn't get one.
|
Tattoos
"A Child's First Book Of Tattoos"
|
|
Aw, the teddy bear is cute!
|
Tea
"Tea Party Massacre"
By Louisa De La Cruz
|
|
"Tea Party Massacre"
|
Theater
"Beyond Hearts And Question Marks"
Shadow Puppetry For The Two-Hook Pirate
|
|
|
Three-Headed Monkey
"The Pride Of Loch Ness"
|
|
This guy thinks the legendary Three-Headed Monkey is actually the son of the Loch Ness Monster.
|
Toast
"Thirty Things That Taste Terrific On Toast"
|
|
|
Toenails
"Modern Toenail Collector"
Periodical Compendium.
|
|
It`s a bunch of clippings from some magazine.
|
Toys
"Collectable Toy Trucks"
|
|
Here's an interesting one: the Junior Ultra Soldier Commando Assault VehicleTM.
|
Travel
"The Caribbean On No Dollars A Day"
A Pirate Handbook
|
|
|
Treasure
"Big Whoop: Unclaimed Bonanza Or Myth?"
|
It says here there were four pirates:
Rapp Scallion (the cook)...
...Young Lindy (the cabin boy)...
...Mister Rogers (the first mate)...
...and Captain Marley.
They buried their treasure along with plenty of booby traps on a place believed to be called Inky Island.
They made a map which they divided into four pieces, each man taking one.
Rapp Scallion later opened the Steamin' Weenie Hut on Scabb Island.
It was a huge success but fell into disrepair after Rapp was killed in a flash fire.
Young Lindy drifted aimlessly, down on his luck until he mysteriously came into money while panhandling on Booty Island.
He used the cash to bankroll an advertising firm which failed after it's gross mishandling of the Gangrene 'n' Honey account.
Mister Rogers retired off the coast of Phatt Island.
He marketed homemade contest grog brewed in a bathtub until his recent disappearence.
Captain Marley vanished while sailing in the America's Cup race.
His boat was leading at the time.
|
Tree Surgery
"Anaesthetics For Deciduous Trees"
|
|
|
Trilogies
"Why People Shouldn't Write Trilogies"
By Simon Finkleberth
|
|
|
Trilogies
"Why People Won't Read Trilogies"
By Simon Finkleberth
|
|
|
Trilogies
"Why People Write Trilogies Anyway"
By Simon Finkleberth
|
|
|
Tripe
"Dessert Recipes For Tripe Lovers"
|
|
Ick.
|
Ulcers
"Why You Shouldn't Worry About Ulcers"
|
|
|
Umbrellas
"Giant Umbrellas And Other Bits Of Art"
|
|
Sounds dangerous.
|
Underpants
"Wedgies; Harmless Fun Or Sadistic Torture?"
|
|
It says here that the wedgie was once used as a law enforcement practice.
|
Vegetables
"Vegetables Children Will Eat"
|
|
That's odd, it claims ketchup is a vegetable.
|
Vicarious Living
"Popular Spectator Sports"
|
|
I can't find stoat wrestling in here.
|
Vices
"101 Vices"
By J.P. Ampleform
|
|
Hey, only 30 to go!
|
Vicious Pedantry
See Dewey Decimal System
|
|
|
Violins
"Thirty Non-Musical Uses For Your Violin"
|
|
Wow, I bet that WOULD keep the cats away…
|
Viruses
"Things You Can Catch By Reading A Library Book"
|
|
Uh, oh…
|
Volcanoes
"Warm All Year Round"
Real Estate Handbook.
|
|
|
Vulgarity
"Gross Things To Say At Parties"
|
--snicker--
I especially like the one about sauerkraut.
|
Waiting
"Is It Soup Yet?"
A Jillion Things To Do While Waiting In Line.
|
|
|
Wallpaper
"Anywhere But My Room"
Designs Featuring Cute Cartoon Characters.
|
|
|
Wallpaper
"Impact Of Yellow On Small Children"
Psychological Study.
|
|
|
Wallpaper
"Living In Lime"
One Thousand Lime Green Designs
|
|
Ick.
|
Waltzes
"Dancing On Three Legs"
|
|
|
Warthogs
"The Misunderstood Pet"
|
|
|
Wealth
"Opulence As A Social Art"
By L. Phatt
|
|
|
Wild Animals
"Meet Mr. Tiger"
Pop-Up Book.
|
|
Neat, the pictures pop up.
|
Wine
"Sniffing The Cork"
How-To For The Wine Snob.
|
|
|
Woodworking
"Out On A Plank"
|
|
|
Xanthippe
"Life Cycle Of The Shrew"
|
|
|
Xenophobia
"Hey You Kids, Get Off Of My Lawn"
|
|
|
Yacht Clubs
"Pirate's Guide To Caribbean Yacht Clubs"
|
|
|
Yachting
"All You Need Is The Cap"
Yachting On Land.
|
|
|
Yaks
"The Yak Is Slow But The Earth Is Patient"
|
|
|
Yawning
"The Yearn To Yawn"
Psychological Study Of Yawn Envy
|
|
|
Yeti
"Interview With A Snowman"
|
|
|
Yiddish
"Feh, And Other Useful Terms"
Reference
|
|
"Feh, and Other Useful Terms"
|
Yo-Yos
"At The End Of The Rope"
Yo-Yo Politics.
|
|
|
Yo-Yos
"Bouncing And Behaving"
Intermediate Yo-Yo Tricks.
|
|
"Bouncing and Behaving"
|
Yo-Yos
"Spinning At The End Of The String"
Yo-Yo Philosophy
|
|
|
Yodeling
"Yodeling From The Top Of The Lungs"
A Study Of Yodelling As An Offensive Weapon.
|
|
|
Yorkshire Pudding
"Not Quite Really Pudding"
Articles And Recipes.
|
|
"Not Quite Really Pudding"
|
Zinjanthropus
"Pirates Of The Pleistocene"
|
|
|
Zirconium
"The Most Beautiful Element"
|
|
|
Zoology
"Just One Of The Primates"
|
|
|
Zoology
"Zoo Animals More Intelligent Than Humans"
|
|
It's too thick, I don't have time to read it.
|
|
Copyright © 1996-2017 The Monkey Island SCUMM Bar. All rights reserved. No part of this web page may be
reproduced in any way.
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