| Against Ordinary Pirates |
| Insult | Comeback |
| Every enemy I've met I've annihilated! | With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated. |
| You're as repulsive as a monkey in a negligee. | I look THAT much like your fiancée? |
| Would you like to be buried or cremated? | With you around, I'd prefer to be fumigated. |
| Heaven preserve me! You look like something that's died! | The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde. |
| I'll skewer you, like a sow at a buffet. | When I'm done with YOU, you'll be a boneless fillet! |
| Killing you would be justifiable homicide. | Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide. |
| En garde! Touché! | Oh, that is so cliché! |
| Throughout the Caribbean my great deeds are celebrated! | Too bad they're all fabricated. |
| When your father first saw you, he must have been mortified. | At least mine can be identified. |
| You can't match my witty repartee. | I could, if you would use some breath spray. |
| I can't rest until you've been exterminated! | Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated. |
| You're the ugliest monster ever created. | If you don't count all the ones you've dated. |
| I'll leave you devastated, mutilated and perforated. | Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated! |
| Coming face to face with me must leave you petrified. | Is that your face? I thought it was your backside! |
| I'll hound you night and day! | Then be a good dog. Sit! Stay! |
| Against Captain Rottingham |
| Insult | Comeback |
| Your stench would make an outhouse cleaner irritated! | Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated. |
| When I'm done, your body will be rotted and putrefied! | Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide. |
| Your lips look as they belong on the catch of the day! | When I'm done with YOU, you'll be a boneless fillet! |
| You're a disgrace to your species, you're so undignified! | At least mine can be identified. |
| Your looks would make pigs nauseated. | :If you don't count all the ones you've dated. |
| My attacks have left entire islands depopulated! | With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated. |
| You have the sex appeal of a Shar-Pei. | I look THAT much like your fiancée? |
| I will milk every drop of blood from your body! | How appropriate. You fight like a cow. |
| My skills with a sword are highly venerated. | Too bad they're all fabricated. |
| You'll find I'm dogged and relentless to my prey! | Then be a good dog. Sit! Stay! |
| I can't tell which of my traits has you the most intimidated. | Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated! |
| I give you a choice. You can be gutted, or decapitated! | With you around, I'd prefer to be fumigated. |
| Nothing can stop me from blowing you away! | I could, if you would use some breath spray. |
| I have never lost a mêlée! | You would have, but you were always running away. |
| Never before have I faced someone so sissified. | Is that your face? I thought it was your backside! |
| Nothing on this earth can save your sorry hide! | The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde. |
| Your mother wears a toupee! | Oh, that is so cliché! |
